


It’s not all poetry and candles

by Goodnightwife



Series: Pieces of Us [4]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 18:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goodnightwife/pseuds/Goodnightwife
Summary: This one isn’t very pretty, folks, fair warning. Reality sometimes sucks. Infertility. Italics are direct quotes.  I wouldn’t write it if I wasn’t okay with it and more than okay sharing it.Each section of Pieces of Us is inspired by something that my husband has done or something we have experienced together. Everything is PG pr PG-13, just a glimpse through the fourth wall of our life using some of our favorite characters. This can be read alone or as part of a theme-based series.





	It’s not all poetry and candles

Y/N leaned against the wall of the turbolift, her mind moving ten times faster than the lift but not in the upwardly direction she was currently headed. A girl grows up with certain dreams and, for Y/N, one of them was being a mom. She had an Engineering career that she loved, served on the best ship in the Fleet, was married to the most amazing man she could ever dream of, but something felt missing. Something important. 

Y/N had been married to Captain James Kirk for a little over 3 years when they finally decided that it was time to try for a family. It didn’t occur to either of them to have Bones give them a once over to make sure it was even possible before they started trying. A full year later, they sat in Bones’ office to ask for his help. He gave them some instructions and made appointments for both of them to be examined. Y/N had her appointment yesterday and, aside from some minimal scarring, everything was fine on her end. Jim’s appointment was today and while Y/N had wanted to be there, Jim insisted that he was fine to go alone. Besides, Scotty had needed Y/N down in Engineering. 

Heading back to MedBay, Y/N’s mind ran a mile a minute with speculations as to what the problem could be. Jim’s youth was a troubled one and he still had some nightmares, but Y/N imagined there might be physical damage as well as the mental. Entering the MedBay, Christine smiled her normal greeting and waved Y/N into Bones’ office. Jim jumped out of his seat when the door swooshed open to admit Y/N. 

“Hey darling,” he said, smacking a kiss to her cheek. 

“Hey babe,” she replied, taking a seat on Leonard’s couch. “Where is he?”

“He’s getting the test results,” Jim answered, sitting next to her on the couch and wrapping on arm around her shoulders. “You would think in this day and age, these kinds of results would be automatic, but you know Bones, he wanted to do it himself.”

“Yeah,” Y/N replied, still nervous. 

“Hey,” Jim said, taking her hand and asking for her attention. “Whatever the result, we will be okay. If it’s just you and me, then we will be the best you and me that ever you and me’d.”

Y/N couldn’t help but smile. Jim could always lift her spirits and lighten her heart. Y/N’s childhood hadn’t been a picnic either but meeting Jim had brought her to a much brighter place in life and she couldn’t imagine trying to live this life without him and the sunshine he brought. The door swooshed open to reveal Leonard. He strode into the room and sat behind his desk, flipped his monitor so they could see the screen, and tapped a few keys and the screen lit up and reveal graphs, charts, and a few more things that Y/N couldn’t name. 

“Well, kids,” Leonard sighed and Y/N’s heart dropped. “I don’t have the best news but it’s not the worst I have ever seen.” He began pointing to the graphs and charts, explaining Jim’s test results but Y/N’s mind started to glaze over. Jim noticed and asked Leonard to sum up. “Basically, cold, hard medical facts, I will be very surprised if you two are able to get pregnant. The conditions must be perfect for this to happen and, in all honesty, I’m not even sure how well perfect conditions will help.”

“So, no kids?” Y/N whispered. Leonard stood from his desk and knelt on one knee in front of Y/N and took her free hand. 

“Darlin’, I’m going to be realistic with you because I love you both to much not to be. In my medical opinion, I don’t think it’s possible. That being said, miracles do happen but I wouldn’t pin my hopes on that. Now, aside from natural conception and birth, there are plenty of other options available to you. In Vitro, adoption, fertility specialists that you can see, unfortunately I don’t have those at my disposal on board and most would require you both to remain planetside for a time.”

Y/N nodded wordlessly, her eyes trained on the floor. “Jim, will you take me home please?” she whispered. Jim nodded and, with an arm around her waist, led her back to their quarters. Whatever their plans had been for the rest of the day, they were cancelled. As soon as the door slid closed behind them and they were in the privacy of their own quarters, the floodgates opened and Jim could hear that sound of her heart breaking in her tears. He led her to their bed and laid down, holding her close. Her tears mingled with his as they both cried until they fell asleep. 

Y/N woke first. The old fashioned clock by her bedside said 3am. Done with sleep for now, she got out of bed and decided on a cup of hot tea. Making her way to the replicator, Y/N order a hot cup of peppermint tea and sat on the counter, her still-numb mind moving over the events of the day. No children with Jim. Y/N knew it broke Jim’s heart as much as it broke hers and she moved to stand in the doorway of their bedroom to check on him. He was fast asleep and snoring. She smiled. His breathing out caused his lips to pout slightly, letting her know what he must have looked like as a young boy. 

Back in the kitchen, Y/N hopped back up on the counter and sipped her tea. She wanted to reach a good place before Jim woke up so that she could help him through it if he needed so she decided to go to her favorite place to think. Y/N got dressed as quietly as she could and slipped out of their quarters without waking Jim. Mug of tea in hand, she made her way down to Engineering. Standing on one of the platforms surrounding the warp core, she leaned her elbows on the railing and stared into the swirls of energy.

The clearing of a throat shook her from her thoughts and Y/N looked to see Chekov standing behind her, leaning against the wall.

“How long have you been there?” she asked, a hand on her hip.

“Not long enough I think,” he replied, his voice full of sorrow as he stood next to her against the rail.

“What’s wrong, Curley Q?” Y/N asked, ruffling Chekov’s curly hair.

“I have ruined my life.” he said miserably. 

“How this time?” Y/N questioned, this wasn’t the first time she had had this conversation with the young ensign. 

“I said the wrong name.” he replied sheepishly. 

“Excuse me?” Y/N pressed her lips together in an attempt to not smile or laugh. She knew what was coming.

“Well, I’ve been seeing Ensign Slayer and during a particularly… umm… intimate moment, I said the wrong name. She kicked me out and I came here.” Chekov ran his hand down his face and it was then that Y/N saw the tears filling his eyes. 

“Oh, honey,” Y/N wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Yeah, you messed up but you haven’t ruined your life. Ensign Slayer will forgive you, her species doesn’t believe in holding grudges, you just need to go apologize to her and let her see how truly sorry you are. Mistakes happened, you’re only human.”

“But she is not human,” he replied with a doubtful look on his face.

“And because of that, she will understand that you are not perfect. Our human brains are tiny compared to hers, play on that. Remind her that you didn’t have a lot of blood pumping to your brain at the time of the slip up. Believe me, she will understand and forgive you, but you need to go to her.”

“Now?” he asked, hope beginning to take over his face.

“Yes, now.” Y/N replied with a smile. “There’s no time like the present to make something right. Besides, her species only sleeps two hours a day, she’ll be awake I’m sure.”

“Okay, yes! I will go!” Chekov began to bounce away but turned and ran back to Y/N and wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you, thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Y/N replied. “But whatever you do, don’t do it again!” The ensign nodded enthusiastically as he ran toward the door. Y/N sighed. Chekov had come to mean so much to her over the past few years, he was like a little brother, always needing a helping hand or advice. Her tea was now cold so Y/N made her way back down to the main level to head back to her quarters. Coming around a corner, she found Scotty laid out on the floor, his head over a console.

She tapped his foot with a smile. With a small jump, he pretzeled his body out from under the console to sit up. 

“Ah, mornin’ lassie! What are ye doin’ out and about so early?” he asked, wiping his greasy hands on a rag. 

“Couldn’t sleep, what are you doing?” Y/N asked as she sat down on the floor next to him.

“Just tinkerin’ really.” he replied. “Ye’ve not had trouble sleepin’ before, what’s naggin’ ye lass?”

Y/N looked at her boss and closest friend, his face open and ready for anything she might say.

“Jim and I got our test results back yesterday,” Y/N said, knowing Scotty would understand her meaning. “The basic answer is that it’s not going to happen.”

“Nothin’ the good Doctor can do?” he asked, leaning his head back against the console.

“There are options, but not a whole lot of them are readily available on a starship.” Y/N replied ruefully. “We would have to leave in order to pursue those other options.”

“Ay, so it’s decision time for ye then.” Scotty nodded. 

Y/N nodded too, mostly to herself as she studied to wall in front of her. Jim words “the best you and me that ever you and me’d” ringing in her head. Growing their own little family would include leaving this big one that they already had, even for a time. The thought of asking Jim to leave the stars had Y/N instantly shaking her head. She didn’t want to leave either. 

“Actually,” she finally spoke, “I think I’ve already made my decision. I have to get home, thanks Scotty.”

“Ay, no problem,” came the answer as Y/N rose and ran out of the door. The turbo lift back up to the quarterdeck took forever. As Y/N rounded the final corner back to their quarters, she ran straight into Jim’s arms. 

“Hey babe, I was just coming to look for you,” he said, steadying her. “Are you okay? I was worried when I woke up alone.”

“I’m okay, Jim,” Y/N replied, letting him lead her back to through their door and to their couch. Settling in his arms, she took a breath. The best you and me. “Are you okay, Jim? I mean, with all this?”

“I’ve been thinking about it,” he started, rubbing a hand down her arm, his face falling. “I’m sorry babe. I’m so sorry. This is my fault and I can’t fix it.”

“Jim, no” Y/N quickly stopped him with a finger to his lips. “This isn’t your fault, this isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just reality.”

“I meant what I said in Bones’ office. I married you for you, not what you could bring me. But if you want more than what I can give you, I understand.” Jim’s voice trailed off as he stared at the wall, steeling himself for your response.

“Jim,” Y/N placed a hand on his cheek, bring his face around to look at her. “I married you because I love you and I want a life with you and not being able to have kids doesn’t change that. You and I are a family. This ship is a family, our family. And our family is full of baby Chekov’s, grumpy grandpa Leonard’s, and big brother Scotty’s. I can’t imagine leaving it. If, by some miracle, we do get pregnant, then we will all celebrate together. But if not, we already are a family and a damn good one too!”

Jim’s grin rivaled the brightest star as he pulled Y/N into a tight hug. “I love you so much, babe! But maybe don’t tell Bones you called him a grandpa.”

“I love you too, Jim! And I wouldn’t dream of it.”


End file.
